Welcome to Light in the Darkness Blog...

New Composition_2019-05-27 00-54-10

John 1:5 The Voice (VOICE Translation)

1 Before time itself was measured, the Voice was speaking.

    The Voice was and is God.
2 This celestial Word remained ever present with the Creator;
3     His speech shaped the entire cosmos.
Immersed in the practice of creating,
    all things that exist were birthed in Him.
4 His breath filled all things
    with a living, breathing light—
5 A light that thrives in the depths of darkness,
    blazes through murky bottoms.
It cannot and will not be quenched.

I would like to shed "light" into what might be your dark experiences to share some insight into just why you found this blog and remind you that despite your circumstances you matter and serve an amazing and divine purpose. There may be times when you are facing immeasurable odds where your very nature and character are attacked. Let my words serve as a reminder that God is always ever-present in times of trouble and that no matter what circumstances you face today he is that ever-present light in the darkness.

So what prompted me to begin this blog?  

Well, back in Jan. 2019 I found myself faced with what some might consider an identity crisis. I had grown up my entire life in relationship with God (God the father, son, and holy spirit) and I considered my relationship to be pretty solid. For the next 5 months, my concept of faith would be daily challenged. Thus what began in January as a full-on assault of my character, personage, and faith; God would fashion a new through revelation and relationship. This is an ongoing process so I invite you to join me on this journey of discovering who I am in Christ and how he will reveal his image and likeness along the way. 

How my process started...

Often when faith is challenged its a common knee jerk reaction to bolster up in defense to justify words and actions. In my personal situation, I was accused of some pretty outlandish and horrible things. I won't dig up the drama as my main focus is to show you what came from the experience rather than the actual events that led up to it. 

During the initial accusation, I held fast to the only faith I knew. Honestly, it was horrible...an internal tug of war if you will, pulling and sifting through a lifetime of ideas and concepts. I was duking it out inside of myself going back and forth looking for justification and reason to react or reason within.  After several weeks of going back and forth in this heart/mind struggle including getting triggered by a bizarre yet enlightening dream, I finally reached outside of my intrapersonal comfort zone to come face to face with who really sat on my internal throne. Yes, you heard me correctly I came face to face with not Jesus ruling on the throne of my heart, but me, myself, and I. 

Somehow in my own efforts to do what I thought was pleasing to God, I had erected an internal throne in which I was sitting upon in my heart. I was mortified, to say the least. One thing that I had clung to was this attitude of pride. I actually felt pride in the fact that I just didn't react and get angry. I had spent the majority of my life thinking that I had overcome reacting to anger. Obviously, God felt this was the perfect teaching moment because for the first time in my life I experienced "true" anger. I was angry and I really didn't even know why. It angered me to see that God was not on the throne of my heart but something of my own creation. In my anger, I cried out to the Lord and said, " What sort of joke is this?" Then for lack of a better term, the word "pissery" came to mind. Yep, my internal throne in which I so carefully governed and ruled was built upon "crap" that I had stored up in my heart.  All this time I believed that my ability to control my outward reactions were because I was being Christ-like. 

Over the course of the next few weeks, I battled feelings of shame and unworthiness. Not only had the experience exposed my true nature, but it left me struggling to pray and come into God's presence. What I thought was right and in right standing was so far removed from righteous I was amazed that God was even willing to reveal it to me. This is where I had to humble myself and admit to what I had been shown. It was here where God showed me his heart for me and why he alone offers Mercy. God brought to mind scripture... 

Ephesians 2:8-9 The Voice (VOICE)

8-9 For it’s by God’s grace that you have been saved. You receive it through faith. It was not our plan or our effort. It is God’s gift, pure and simple. You didn’t earn it, not one of us did, so don’t go around bragging that you must have done something amazing.

So how could I truly receive if my very faith was exposed as skewed?  This was the moment I realized God's love for me was so great he was choosing to take an extremely painful situation to reveal some things in my heart that kept me from truly growing in my relationship with him. After all, I had asked him to search my heart. At my request, God was answering my heart cry even while my heart did not reflect his image and likeness.  

Join me in my next blog as I share about the details of the heart's throne...