A light in the Darkness-Key root Forgiveness-Trauma Reboot
Welcome to Light in the Darkness Blog...
1 Before time itself was measured, the Voice was speaking.
The Voice was and is God.
2 This celestial Word remained ever present with the Creator;
3 His speech shaped the entire cosmos.
Immersed in the practice of creating,
all things that exist were birthed in Him.
4 His breath filled all things
with a living, breathing light—
5 A light that thrives in the depths of darkness,
blazes through murky bottoms.
It cannot and will not be quenched.
It's Resurrection Sunday, April 4th, 2021...a day that we choose to celebrate the wonder-working power of Christ's death and rebirth. For those of us that were brought up in a church, we can agree that Forgiveness is an invaluable part of the life of a Christian. Jesus' very act upon the cross reveals just how deeply the message of forgiveness is. But what if the trauma of your past and present life has skewed your understanding of forgiveness? What if you have gone through every step and motion you knew or was shown or said to be forgiveness yet you continued to feel the weight and heaviness of your own sins or the sins of others who have wronged or hurt you? Are you truly forgiving or accepting you have been forgiven?
Some online definitions of Forgiveness:
Wikipedia says, "In a psychological sense, is the intentional and voluntary process by which one who may initially feel victimized, undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding a given offense, and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance. To cease to feel resentment against."
2020 AllAboutGOD says, "Forgiveness means to wipe the slate clean, to pardon, to cancel a debt. When we wrong someone, we seek his or her forgiveness in order for the relationship to be restored. It is important to remember that forgiveness is not granted because a person deserves to be forgiven. Instead, it is an act of love, mercy, and grace.
Even scripture teaches that unless we choose to forgive others we ourselves can not be forgiven. So how can we still lack giving or accepting forgiveness?
Trauma Reboot shared some valuable points...its a process that goes something like this--->
Facts--->Faith---->Feelings
This Key "Forgiveness" was something I thought I knew I had learned and felt I had mastered the practice of. What a shock to find out how wrong I was...God must have known I was in just the right place in my mind and heart recently to teach me... so he gently tapped my spiritual shoulder and began revealing to me what forgiveness is at its core. I was taught that when you are wronged or wrong someone else you say your sorry and accept their sorry then everyone makes up until you or they are satisfied and you move on. This is not forgiveness and this does not address the most crucial step which is to process the events in the presence of God WITH him so that he is present to guide your act of forgiveness. During week 10 of Trauma Reboot during our discussion of forgiveness, I became triggered. God whispered to me that because of my emotional disconnections and disassociation I had not truly forgiven. Even though I wanted to and was making a choice with my mind to say I forgive, my heart was so far removed from the process it was impossible for me to connect to be present and involved body, soul, and spirit for forgiveness. During class, I was so angry and sad. I fumed over the fact I had spent my entire life saying sorry and forgiving people instantly trying to disconnect from the pain I was experiencing. I equated forgiveness as no longer acknowledging what had hurt me rather than accepting my or others' actions and processing the events to release. It took some hard examination of myself and facing events along with the non-addressed emotions to see that what I had really been doing. I was invalidating my experiences and enabling cycles of abuse. Through Trauma Reboot I learned that forgiveness is not a one and your done process and the holy spirit showed me you can not invalidate or deny your own experiences including the hard emotions you have experienced otherwise you can never truly connected with the process to release it. Imagine you push something away from you so far that you can no longer see it, feel it, or take hold of it...this is what happens when you disconnect. To truly forgive you must first be present and invite God, Jesus, Holy Spirit into the moment of the event so that while you are connected with it body, soul, and spirit you can together with him acknowledge this is what happened ______, this is what I am feeling ____, but despite this moment I choose to no longer try and manage it myself but ask God, Jesus, Holy Spirit to take hold of it with you. Allow yourself to know that in that moment they are with you...try to imagine and experience it. You don't have to fear or be ashamed and remember they love you and want you to forgive. Now you are ready to make the choice that only God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit have the ability to take it from you as they first took it from you on the cross when Jesus said, Father, forgive "Let it Go" they don't understand what they are holding onto. Jesus asked his father to let us go to release all our sins past, present, and future. So now when we can not forgive "let it go" we are taking back all of what they accomplished on the cross. God doesn't want to hold anything against us but if we can not invite him into our hearts to process this life with him in a relationship we are incapable of accepting or giving forgiveness.
My heart has been pierced to its core. I realized that I was so afraid for so long and ashamed and embarrassed to let God into my heart. Trauma kept him at the door ever close... always with me and ever knocking. God said," Please won't you open your heart to those memories, moments, events, and instances when you were hurting or hurt others so that together we can process what it did to you and them?
You don't have to be bound by your sins or the sin of others. Jesus let it go on the cross turned and said to God, "Let it Go", then God the father too let it go, and finally ALL SIN was defeated!!!! All of the effects of sin are healed when we stop trying to carry it alone. God says, "I want to be ever-present with you in communion so that you share all your emotions and feelings. That you not hide from me in fear but run to me in faith knowing I love you and accept you."
Take a moment to stop and think of forgiveness. Welcome, God into your day, and don't be afraid to face your past, present, and future with him every moment of every day. It's his desire that we commune with home heart to heart so that we are no longer burdened with SIN. Forgiveness must be ongoing and daily. If you need help in this process just reach out to me. I can pray with you or for you. If you are still processing Trauma and have yet to find healing please consider joining a Trauma Reboot class and allow God the opportunity to walk you through to victory.
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