A light in the Darkness-Key root of self Image and Finding Trauma Reboot
Welcome to Light in the Darkness Blog...
1 Before time itself was measured, the Voice was speaking.
The Voice was and is God.
2 This celestial Word remained ever present with the Creator;
3 His speech shaped the entire cosmos.
Immersed in the practice of creating,
all things that exist were birthed in Him.
4 His breath filled all things
with a living, breathing light—
5 A light that thrives in the depths of darkness,
blazes through murky bottoms.
It cannot and will not be quenched.
It's been some time since my last blog but for good reason as God always has a plan to present just what needs to be said at the best time. What better timing than just before Resurrection Sunday 2021...a day that celebrates the wonder-working power of Christ's death and rebirth.
How many books and articles on "self" including self-help and self-motivation exist today? The title "self" can carry multiple meanings...fortunately in my blog post "self" in self-image means the process of removing the false self that has been fashioned not after God, Jesus, and the holy spirit, but after nature, nurture, and unseen spiritual influences. Over the last 40 years, my "self" was fashioned to suit the individuals around me. This type of "self" robs an individual of the most basic need which is acceptance and Love as God originally designed with no stipulations attached. This love can not exist outside of his presence nor identify "self" separate from him. So before we get too far into defining "Self" let me catch you up to speed on my previous understanding through this last two years up to the revelation God has now presented me in April 2021. I've been on an incredible journey that at times has been very emotionally exhausting and frustrating. Back in 2019, my first task was to complete a sexual trauma healing course taught by an amazing woman of God named, "Paulette Swinger".Through her counseling and the combined curriculum called, "Finding You" by Sheilia Harper, I dove into separating "self" from a lifetime of disassociation. What should have been a short nine-week class I managed to drag out over a year. It took quite a long time to work through past sexual trauma memories. Paulette was so encouraging during those times of helping me re-associate and learn it was okay to voice my feelings. She also helped me see that I was more than the person my past traumas had made me. Towards the end of my class with her, she shared a link for an upcoming group called Reboot Recovery. For 11 years Reboot has been helping veterans and first responders overcome the effects of Trauma. They had just launched an exciting new program called Trauma Reboot that was geared towards everyday people. I was excited and felt led to reach out about becoming a facilitator. This would allow me to teach the class and bring healing out of my own painful past. Someone watching the launch party felt led to sponsor my fees. Trauma Reboot has been a literal Godsend. Everything I was trying to understand and sort out on my own was suddenly presented in an easy-to-follow workbook. They held classes online through a safe and supportive group class setting. In my class were 5 women all of who had encountered various forms of trauma. It was through sharing of our past and weekly experiences that God began peeling back my "self" image layers. The very first revelation presented by trauma Reboots was First Truth which says, "Trauma didn't break you. You aren't broken. Your wounded. and wounds can heal if proper steps are taken". This revelation broke off the weight that my life was broken and in disarray. From this perspective, my life was simply filled with events that had wounded me and caused me to remain in an emotional place of woundedness. This insight helped to better explain the emotional fortress that surrounded my heart and supported what the holy spirit shared about my disconnect of "self" and my inability to connect to my heart. Into week two I discovered that I had default responses to Trauma. Attempting to cope with trauma during my life had caused a disconnection where I still had emotional responses but "self" identity was not presently experiencing anything. I was walking through life downplaying every action and trauma committed against me. I recognized that I was walking through every day choosing to be numb. Not just emotionally but physically which is part of the disassociation. I was merely existing attempting to cope. I had to face how I had looked in all the wrong ways and places for safety. That I had never learned how to manage my emotions. Through this disconnect, I never actually had a healthy process of grieving. I had been bound in unhealthy thought cycles of guilt, shame, and regret. By the 8th week of class, I had to face the hard truth's surrounding my identity. That "self" had been programmed into me from the womb but it was not the "self" that God had created for me. I had ungodly beliefs about my identity, value, worth, security, ability, relationships, and on and on. Working through the identifying checklists helped me recognize it was time to uproot the lies I had allowed myself to believe and replace them with God's truth. Trauma Reboot Truth #8, "A person who doesn't know who they are will never become who they can be." It was time to begin breaking those lies by replacing them with god's truth spoken in his word and to me personally.
Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
The Lord even gave me a dream recently confirming that I am finally aborting this lifelong programming. I have moved into a place of healing. So stay tuned as we dive into the most valuable KEY to come Forgiveness.
